Tulle and Sheep Wool
by stravvberry
Summary: Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines. Velvet's humand life. Susan wants nothing more then to become a ballerina. She struggles with jalousy towards her close friend Meredith as her first death draws near.
1. Star Lake

**This fanfiction on Velvet's human life would not have been here (or been readable) if it wasn't for NoFacesOnlyMasks. I totally owe him for his positive feedback on my idea, since I felt verry uncertain about this story. Also ofcourse for the endless amount of betaing I've put him through, since my grammar sucks. **

**As for you dear reader, I hope you will enjoy my thought's on Velvet's past, as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

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**Star Lake**

Dust drifted in the air, lit by the streetlights that shone dimly through large windows of the ballet studio. The room was large, with mirrored walls on the left and far side of the room. The floor was made of a light colored wood and the air always smelled like tulle, tights, sheep wool and healthy young boys and girls. Even now I could smell it, even though I was alone.

I straightened my back, closed my eyes, and imagined the music of the Swan Lake. Slowly at first, the violins come up. En pointe, arms wide. And then it took over. Even without the pull of actual music. The thought, the essence, was enough to pull me away, pull me out of my head; Out of my body even. As though in a trance my body moved easily, gracefully over the floor. The movements were so deep in the core of my being I didn't even need to think of what came next. It happened; it flowed out of me, before I even realized what I was doing. I spun in my pirouette around and around and around. The world was spinning in my vision.

A sound pulls me out of my trance, and I feel my ankle lose balance just a notch. My foot turns over awkwardly to the side. I trip and hiss in pain."Oh sorry." I hear Meredith say from behind me.

I bite my lip, bringing my hand to my ankle, trying to get a feel for how bad the damage is. It's not bad- it hurts, but I had danced with worse damage to my ankle. I hear her walk towards me and I look over my shoulder to find her. She was in her white nightgown, her heart shaped face was almost as pale as the white fabric in the cold, dim, light that was cast through the windows of the dance room. She moved ever so gracefully as she walked over to me and kneeled down. Her brown, wavy, hair falling down her shoulders. Her chocolate colored eyes looking with concern into mine. "Let me see." She says, so gently she almost whispers.

I shrug. "It's okay, it's nothing really-" But her hands are already on the ribbons of my pink pointe shoes as she brings herself to sit on the ground in front of me. I swallow as I feel how her slender fingers gently loosen the ribbons. "Really it's nothing Meredith." I try again but she continues, sliding her cool hand down and slipping off the toe shoe.

She places it to the side and brings her attention to my ankle, hands softly massaging the bruised muscle. "You poor sheep," she murmurs under her breath; poor sheep is a strange nickname she uses for me sometimes. She looks up at me again, gentleness as well as a slight discontent readable in her features. "You shouldn't work yourself this hard you know." Her cool hands are still gently rubbing my ankle. "You're a great dancer, you shouldn't keep pushing yourself over the limit all the time." She's the one who doesn't need the training. I've seen how the teachers look at her with such pride in their eyes. If I even want to stand a chance against her, I can't miss a single second of practice.

I pull my foot back to me at her words, grab my toe shoe, and get up. "My ankle's fine Meredith. You shouldn't overreact like that." As soon as the words leave my lips guilt flushes over me. I sigh, my shoulders slumping down, so un-ballerina like.

I see her in my peripheral vision, still on the ground staring at the floor. I just know she's trying to think of something to say. But what could she say. 'Sorry for being incredibly talented? Sorry that I'll get the role of Odette?' No there was nothing she could say. After all, it was me who was the problem- not her, of course not her. She was way too sweet and loving to ever even understand what jealousy was.

"So… why'd you come here?" I ask, turning my head to look at her.

She looks up and shrugs. "Looking for you. You weren't in our room yet- doesn't take much guessing to know where you're at when you're out this late." I smile at her, trying to get the awkwardness out of the air. "You know me too well." She grins glad to see I'm not angry with her. "Will you please come back? You need your rest."She gets up and offers me her hand. "Besides, you should at least give your ankle a night's rest right now." I roll my eyes at her but put my hand in hers nonetheless.

The Royal Ballet School is an old beautiful building, with high ceilings and a stone floor. Her footsteps echo- mine are silent since I'm still wearing my toe shoes. Our hands are entwined as we make our way to our dorm room. I suppress a small smile as I think of how effortless our friendship is again. It is like it used to be, like it's supposed to be, like it will truly always be. It's hard right now for me to even acknowledge the fact that moments ago I felt such envy towards her. How could I- we were so much more than that. That strain didn't belong to us, shouldn't belong to me- to think of her that way. She was perfect, so completely and utterly perfect to me. Gratefulness for our friendship should be all that fills me when I think of her- nothing else.

Our dorm room is small; the door is on the left, and on the right from it is a small desk and our closet. The heads of our beds, one on the left and one on the right wall. In the middle of the far wall is a window that we throw open during summer and spring. As we reach our dorm room exhaustion falls over me like a blanket all of a sudden so I just slip into my nightgown and into my bed. She walks over to me and crawls in next to me, leaving her bed untouched. She stretches and curls up behind me. I yawn and feel her lips turn into a grin against the fabric of my nightgown that clutches to my back. "I knew you were tired as hell." I just shrug, too tired to argue with her, my eyelids so heavy they close without my consent. Before I have a chance to think of my day my world is already black.

I wake up with Meredith's arms entangled around me, her skin warm and sticky against mine. I open my eyes, eyelids fluttering against the bright morning light. It takes a while before my eyes can manage to glance at the clock at my nightstand. It shows it's six o'clock. I sigh at this- it will stay silent for another half hour, but I just know sleep won't find me again, tired as I am. I gently push up her arm and place it on her side. I sit up slowly, not wanting to wake her up, and place my feet on the carpet. I look back at her; her brown hair is plastered on her heart shaped face. Her breaths are slow and calm as they pass through her slightly parted lips. Her chest, covered by her white nightgown, rises and falls as she breathes. Her figure is so slender, almost childlike, a type of figure most of us have here in the ballet academy. But especially now, when she lies there sleeping, she looks like a child- not a young woman or teenager. Just a child, innocent and almost sexless even, her long hair betraying the girl she is. I sit there like that, watching her sleep for a moment, till I get up and rub the sand from my eyes, walk over to my closet and put on my uniform. Grey skirt white blouse and dark blue blazer... the same as always, except when I'm dancing. But I have English, math, and history today before I get to dance.

Once dressed, I pull back my red hair in a bun as usual. The mirror in the closet door offers me my reflection. A young woman looks back at me. Bright grey eyes stare back at me. I suppose the girl in the mirror is pretty, sort of. She clings between a slender girl and an actual ballerina figure. Slender, not slender enough though, she really should lose some pounds. She's too curvy and her hair is too bright to be a ballerina anyway. Not brown or dark blond or even black. But fire, almost blood red. Even in a bun it attracts attention. No, the girl in the mirror is not a ballerina, just a weak excuse for one.

'Trrrrrriiing!'

The alarm clock pulls me out of my thoughts. I look over to find Meredith's hand hitting the nightstand in hopes of finding the alarm clock and turning it off. She reaches it and smacks it out, before grunting and rolling over to her back. Her dark chocolate hair plastered to her face, she sighs something about pirate bunnies.

I can't help the chuckle that escapes my throat, which slowly turns into a laugh. Her eyes flutter open and she pulls her head up and looks at me, disorientated and confused. I grin at her. "Morning Mer." She just moans in response, and drops her head back into her pillow, as if it is way too much weight for her to bear, and closes her eyes again. I roll my eyes, but still a smile plays my lips as I walk over to her. I sit down on the edge of my bed and slip my hands under the covers until they find her body. I run my hand up to her stomach and her eyes flutter open. I gently press my fingers into her sides and she screams out a weird laugh like sound, her body spasming in reaction to my tickling.

"S-stooo- s-stop!" She says, her arms flapping about trying to get me to stop. Her hands find my arms and she pulls my hands away from her belly. She gasps for breath, and as she looks at me her eyes are now wide awake and a smile is on her face. I look back at her, into her eyes- and for a second the air between us seems strange, thick and tight somehow. But then she laughs and the moment disappears as if it never was.

"You better get up and get ready sleepyhead- our little prodigy can't be late for class, now can she?" I say as I stand up and straighten my blazer. She obeys, and once dressed we head out to the cafeteria.

Classes dragged on slowly and even lunch seemed dull. It wasn't until ballet class that I enjoyed myself. Being able to practice, to learn, was all that I cared for right now. Only two days from now till the auditions for Swan Lake, and I simply need Odette's role with every fiber of my being. For months I had slaved myself, practicing every day after class. Even thinking of how much I had been practicing lately made my head spin. Everything besides dancing seemed like a waste of time to me, and now with auditions coming so close the anticipation was killing me.

A ballet group was being formed by a group all the way from America and if I was able to get in, I'd travel to America and become a professional ballerina. No more classes even if it was just half a year until my graduation. If things went through, I wouldn't need to graduate. Getting into this ballet group would mean I'd truly be a ballerina.

By the end of the day, I found myself in the common area of the girl's dorm. I was sitting on the sofa listening to the news on the radio, which talked about India and how they were busying themselves about getting their new constitution. Honestly, I couldn't care less about the news right now- all that occupied my mind was ballet, ballet, ballet, ballet. My thoughts of ballet however abruptly end when two hands slide over my eyes. I grin. "Honestly Meredith do you really think it could be anyone else but you doing this."

Her hands drop down and she walks over to the front side of the couch. "Gee you're not a lot of fun today, now are you?" She says, putting her hands on her hips and giving me a disapproving look. "Well, if you're no fun I guess you don't want to have your gift either."

I tilt my head to side. "What are you talking about?"

She grins and offers her hand. "Why don't you come with me and find out?" She says, offering her hand. Unable to withstand this mystery, I take her up on her offer and take her hand.

She had leads me back to our dorm room, and as soon as I close the door behind me she turns on the balls of her feet and smiles at me with enthusiasm and a glimpse of evil in her eyes. "What?" I ask her awkwardly.

"Tonight, we're going to Club Eleven." I frown. Why would we go out? The auditions were on Monday, and besides that we never went out- after all we were stuck here at the school. Plus Soho was on the other side of London- there was no way to reach it without a car.

"What are you talking about? We can't even leave the school."

She shakes her head. "No Susan, we're not allowed to leave the school. We are however, able to sneak out."

I pass by her and sit down on my bed. "Look, I don't like this idea. I mean, okay, so sneaking out might not be that hard, but what then? We walk all the way to Soho? Besides, auditions are on Monday, I really can't go out now."

She walks over to me and drops to her knees in front of me, taking my hands from my lap and holding them. "First of all, I arranged a cab. Second of all, what better time is there to go and sneak out? We never did it before, and if this whole thing with the auditions comes through for either of us... Well, it would be our last chance to do something like this." She looks up at me with big eyes, her pink lips turning into a pout. I push down the feelings that bubble up in my chest as she looks at me like that. I look away at the white, puffy pillow on my bed. Trying my best not to give in to the girl kneeling in front of me. "Please?" She almost whimpers. "Pretty, pretty, pretty please? My dear, sweet, beautiful Susan."

I sigh and throw back my head. "Fine, but-" Before I even get to finish that sentence she jumps up at me, wrapping her hands around me. I fall back in the bed. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" She bursts out, lying on top of me. She sits up, my hips locked between her thighs, and smiles brightly at me. She claps her hand together in enthusiasm. "You will not regret this Susan, I promise."

I pull up my shoulders against the cold wind that tries to make its way into the neck of my jacket. Raindrops slide down my neck and find their way down my back. Streetlights on the side of the road shine with a warm orange glow, drops of rain glimmering silver in the light before disappearing into the darkness of the night. It isn't raining very hard, but the cold London wind is icy against my skin. I ball my fists in a useless effort to keep my fingers from freezing off. I look at Meredith, her heels click-clacking against the pavement. The green cotton bag, which apparently carries a present for me, sways to her step. The skirt of her blue dress rustles in the wind as we make our way to Club Eleven. I look up at the building, and what a shabby one it is. Dark brown stones make it up the building, and I can already hear Jazz music coming out of the front door.

We enter. It's small and reasonably packed. The scents of beer, cigarettes, sweat, and that scent that old buildings have - like dark wood and stone - are making their way into my nostrils. The music vibrates in my chest. I suddenly feel very small in the crowded club and my hand searches for Meredith's. It finds its destination and warm fingers entwine with my cold ones. She leads me to the bar and orders us a coke.

We stand there sipping our drinks and listening to the music for some time, watching the people there. It might not be a crazy night out for most, but to me, with her, when we are actually supposed to be sleeping in our dorm room, this is exciting. I find myself glancing at her bag now and then, she responds by gripping it tighter in her hand and giving me an excited smile. After some time she decides it's enough and taps me on my shoulder. I follow her out, and when we get outside the rain has stopped.

I look up to find the sky cleared of its angry dark clouds, and stars shining brightly in the sky. When I want to walk over to one of the cabs she grabs my hand to stop me. I turn around to find her holding the green bag up. I can't help but grin. I love presents. It's not even about what I get, simply the excitement of finding out. Besides, I'd love anything she'd give me- simply because it's a present from her. She lets go of my hand and pulls out the mysterious gift from her bag, revealing a dark wooden box. I step closer to get a better look at it. It's carved with thorns, roses, and birds- no not birds, swans. A small silver poker sticks out on the back of the box. She shoves the bag in the pocket of her jacket and twists the poker, then opens the lid. Sweet music box notes sing from the box. A gentle, slightly sad tune. It's the theme of Swan Lake. Emotion swells in my chest at her thoughtful gift, and I push down the emotions, not wanting to start crying over a gift. She turns the box around for me to see. The inside of the lid is covered with red velvet and in the box is a mirror. Two small swans stand on it, and they move over the mirror in a circle. I blink for a moment in amazement, when I realize that there must be a magnet underneath the mirror and inside the swans. It's beautiful- the music, the way the starry sky is reflected on the mirror. I feel my eyes turn warm and I blink furiously fighting away the tears. I look up at her, a wide smile on her face. "It's beautiful... I- How can I even accept this?"

She moves the box a bit closer to me for me to take it. "Come on silly, don't tell me you're not going to accept a gift I spent so much time searching for."

I open my mouth but words fail me. What am I supposed to say to this? 'Thank you' just doesn't seem to cut it. I search in my mind for a moment, but I can't think of anything proper to say, so I just take the box from her. "Thank you so much. It's beautiful"

She grins. "I know it is. And you deserve it. You're a great friend, and you've been working so hard lately. You deserve to have something nice." I just nod and look down at the music box. We stand there watching the swans dance over the star filled lake until the music slowly dies.


	2. Odette and Odile

**Odette and Odile**

Meredith. She is breathtaking, as she stands across from me in the dance room. Completely in white- her tutu falls to her knees and the fabric that clings tightly to her chest is covered in small diamonds. White feathers are braided in with her brown hair. She smiles at me with so much gentleness and love in her features it could melt my heart. But it doesn't- it breaks at the sight of her. She looks ever so beautiful in her costume, as if she was born to be Odette. From the window behind her the sun rises. And she becomes a dark silhouette as the sun crawls up higher, and the first rays of morning light stream past her slender figure. She spreads her arms and brings herself to her toes. For a second she stands there motionless- so motionless she seems to be a statue, and then she starts dancing. She dances with such grace; she seems to float above the floor rather than to be dancing en pointe. Breathlessly I watch her move, amazed by the beauty of her dance and broken by it at the same time. Her black silhouette tiptoes gently, her arms spread as she moves them gracefully, flowingly as a swan's wings. She picks up one leg and starts a fouettees, she spins around on one leg, without ever touching the ground with the one she picked up. She straightens the leg, that she keeps pulled up in the air, together with her arms, each time she faces me, her timing never faltering. Around and around her dark figure spins quickly and gracefully. I notice my mouth is open as I watch her spinning perfectly ever so many times. I am, however, unable to shut it, too distracted by amazing fouettees. It continues and continues so fast, yet her posture stays completely perfect each spin.

A feather flies out of her hair and drops down by my feet. I kneel down to pick up the feather but my hand stops just an inch before touching it. It is black. I frown at this and carefully pick it up as if the feather might be under some kind of spell. Slowly, I bring myself up again and look back at her. No longer is her silhouette spinning around. She just stands there, facing me. Goosebumps crawl on my arms, and I feel my heart beat throbbing in my chest. "Meredith?" My voice comes out high and shaky. I swallow uselessly, trying to push down the fear that is suddenly flowing through my body.

She doesn't answer. The silence is killing me, but I can't manage to force myself to be brave enough to speak another word. Her shadowy figure lifts up her hand, slowly pointing at me. Her hand then hangs there in the air. I bring my hand to my chest. _Maybe she isn't pointing at me, but at the mirrors behind me._ I turn around to look at them.

But what I find are not mirrors, but the windows. Bright morning light blasts through them. I look back over my shoulder, to find Meredith looking back over her shoulder as well. _No not Meredith. It's just me._ A dark shadowy figure. I hold up the black feather in my hand and look at it. For a moment I stand there, staring, as the sunlight caresses my skin. That's when I realize what this black feather must mean. It slips out of my hand and drifts down to the ground. I look down at my body to find myself wearing a perfect copy of Meredith's Odette costume- only the one I wear is black. My skin looks dead pale against the black fabric. Somehow this is bad, so bad, the fact that I am wearing this. I stumble; my heart races and I start hyperventilating. I want to get it off. I start pulling black feathers out of my hair. But they keep coming, as if an endless amount feathers is braided into my red hair. The feathers drift to my feet, some tangled with red hair as I rip out the feathers as quickly as I can. But it won't stop, the keep coming and tears well up in my eyes. I want it to stop but it won't. I can't be this, I don't want to be this, yet I can't escape, the feathers keep coming- each as black as coal, as black as Odile's costume, and for some reason having her role is the most awful thing right now. I scream in frustration when suddenly hands curl on around my wrists stopping them from moving. I scream again and try to pull away from those hands. But I'm weak, and everything becomes so confusing suddenly.

"Shhh, it's okay Susan." A calm voice tells me. "Calm down, you're okay, I'm here with you, you're safe." _Meredith?_ I relax my arms and slowly open my eyes to find her face hovering above me. My skin moist in sweat, hair sticking to my face- I must look awful. "It was just a dream poor sheep, you are safe." I swallow and nod. She smiles at me and places a kiss on my forehead before pulling away and sitting next to me on the bed.

I get up, bringing my hand to my head to find nothing but hair, and let out a relieved sigh. I am glad to find that it was all just a dream. I gaze at Meredith to find her looking at me with concern. I yawn rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. "It's nothing Mer, I'm fine. Just a bad dream that's all." I glance back at her to find her expression unchanged.

"You never have nightmares." She states.

It is true, I could count all the nightmares I've had on my hands- but then again, I never had my best friend stealing my dreams, either. "It's nothing, just leave it okay?" It comes out a bit too harsh, but my mind is still foggy, and I really don't want to go about explaining why I'm having nightmares- especially not to her. So I just get up, grab clothes and a towel, and leave for the showers. I can feel her gaze boring into my back, as she sits there on the bed. But I just close the door behind me without looking back.

During breakfast I decide to sit with Sophie, Anna and Jeffrey, since I don't see Meredith in the cafeteria yet. The cafeteria is a large room with two long tables. Grey morning light creeps coldly through the large windows, and it doesn't do much to cheer up my mood. I drop down on a chair besides Sophie, and give my plate an unappetizing look. She giggles beside me, and I am once again reminded why I don't spend that much time with her. "Trying to get in shape again?" She asks, looking at the apple and piece of dry toast on my plate. It's not that she's mean; she just lacks the gentleness that Meredith has. Then again, comparing her to Meredith might not be fair. Meredith is truly so sweet no one can compare to her.

I shrug. "I suppose. I think Miss Evergreen won't stand for another ounce of weight on me." I see her nod in my peripheral vision.

Anna leans over to see me past Jeffrey and Sophie. "Are you having a fight with your girlfriend?" She says, meanness coming out of her voice.

I lean over as well, giving her an annoyed look. "What is that supposed to mean?"

She smiles innocently and rolling her eyes. "Oh nothing, just wondered why you weren't sitting with Meredith, since the two of you are practically Siamese twins." she replies. Her eyes wander to the far left side of the room. I follow her look and find Meredith sitting, staring at her plate.

I shrug. "I just felt like sitting here." I grab my toast and take a bite, trying to pretend nothing is wrong. Apparently it works, because Sophie starts talking again.

"I'm quite nervous for the auditions. You think I'll stand a chance?"

Jeffrey chuckles, his slender face plastered with a wide smile. "Sorry Sophie, I think no stands a chance unless Meredith dissolves into thin air."

Sophie sighs, and Anna falls in. "Well Susan might have a shot, you have been practicing a lot haven't you?"

I scratch my head uncomfortably. "Oh I'm not sure... I mean, like Jeffrey said, Meredith will probably win anyway."

She nods in response and further conversation is held covering topics as teachers, dancing and whether or not Daniel likes Anna. I talk with them smiling and at least pretending to enjoy being around them, but my eyes keep lingering at the far end of the table where Meredith sits, apparently talking to one of the boys. But I notice how she stares off sometimes, and I can't help feeling bad for how I've acted to her this morning. Releasing my own stress and insecurities on her isn't fair. So, I decide to go to her after breakfast.

By the time I'm ready to leave the cafeteria, I no longer see Meredith- so I say my goodbye to Anna and Sophie and leave in search of her. First, I go the dance room, followed by the girl's common room, then our bedroom. Having still not found Meredith I let myself fall down on my bed and sigh. _Maybe she's with other friends- after all, it's not like she'll have to worry over the auditions. Which is just perfect, since it means I will be stuck here alone._ I sit up and slide down the bed and onto the ground. Reaching underneath my bed, my hand finds a wooden box, the music box Meredith had given me. I stroke my fingers over the roses carved into the dark wood and turn the small silver poker at the back before carefully lifting the top open. Music starts playing, and I watch the small plastic swans dance over the mirror. I watch them dance together for a moment before placing the box next to me on the ground and grabbing a book from the nightstand. And with little enthusiasm I flip the book open and start reading, hoping it will distract me throughout lunch.

The book, boring as it is, it does its job properly and I am able to skip lunch without too much trouble. When dinner comes around, though, my stomach is rumbling so much I decide to have something to eat, but I also decide that I should at least practice for a bit if I want to eat; so after dinner I change in the dressing room and enter the dance room. It's dark again, the white streetlights shining through the high windows. The sight, is familiar to me; however I stop at the sense of something being off. I step over the threshold, glancing around the dark room when I notice a string or smoke crawling up in the light cast through the windows. Following its source I find a small red ember. A figure steps out of the shadows and into the cold silver light. It's a woman, around the age of forty. She is dressed in a red skirt suit and her black hair, which has silver streaks, is pulled back tightly in a bun. She pulls her cigarette to her red lipstick covered lips and takes a slow drag, then slowly exhales, white clouds flowing through the air in front of her face, which seems almost grey in the cold light. Small crowfeet circle her eyes but apart from that her skin still seems young and healthy. She is the type of woman all young girls could only hope to look like when they are older. She looks at me and tilts her head. I feel almost like stepping back, uncomfortable with the way she takes her time to take me in. "Good evening." She says with a gentle charming voice.

"Good evening, miss..."

She smiles at me, and extends her hand. "Beatrice Vermont. It's a pleasure to meet you dear, and who might you be, young lady?"

I walk to her and take her hand. "Susan, Susan Moore. May I ask what you are doing here?"

Her red lips curl up in a smile. "I used to be a student here at the Royal Ballet School. It's strange to see how things... change."

"You're a ballerina?"

She chuckles, shaking her head. "Well, I used to be, but that's a long time ago now." She takes another drag of her cigarette and watches the smoke dance in the air as she exhales, before looking at me again. "And you are a student I take it."

"Yes I am, miss Vermont."

"Good," she says, then turns and walks over to the small table against the wall, which holds a record player and an ashtray. She taps the cigarette against the rim of the ashtray, releasing it of its burnt down grey residue. "Then I take it you came here to practice" she says, glancing over her shoulder to me. "Why don't you show me, and I'll see if I can give you some tips."

"Oh, I would hate to trouble you with that." I say as I walk over to the barre and start my stretches.

"Not at all dear."

"Thank you" I say as I lean my head against left my knee while reaching for my foot with my right hand.

Once I finish my stretches she turns on the record player and brings the needle to the far end of the record. I get into position, taking a deep breath to calm myself. The record makes soft scratchy noises before the violins begin. I begin to dance, keeping a bright smile plastered to my lips at all times.

"Arms," she commands, and I try my best to keep them straight as I spin. "Forty five degrees, not fifty- yes, that's it, perfect," she says as I do my pas de chat. And by the time I finish and look at her I see a sparkle twinkling in her eyes. "Not bad, just detail my dear," she says walking over to me. "Never, ever forget..." She places her index finger underneath my chin and tilts my face up slightly. "Your posture."

"I won't miss Vermont."

"Good. Now then, dear, would you mind taking your bun out?" I frown. Why in the world would she say that?

"I'm sorry?"

"Your hair, loosen it."

I blink in confusion but follow her order nonetheless. I take the rubber band out, and let my finger slide through my red hair.

"Why do I-" But she cuts me off.

"I wish to see posture Miss Moore, not hear questions."

Like the good little student I am my mind stops questioning and instead I just nod and get into position. When the music starts I dance again, but this time the woman is silent, she doesn't say a word as I dance. And once I'm finished I find her gazing at me. I shrug uncomfortably as the record scratches and then slowly turns silent. Just when I open my mouth to say something, again she speaks.

"That was perfect." She smiles, but there's a hint of sadness in her eyes, though I can not seem to grasp the source of her sadness. "You know," she begins as she walks over to me. "there are many forms of beauty, of art," She gestures to the door. "for instance the wooden frame of that door."

I suppress the urge to give her a look. "The door frame is a piece of art?"

She bites her lip for a moment before she answers me. "Yes. Not a very good piece of art, but not a bad piece either. The creator of that door frame has spent his time diligently making carvings in it to make it more beautiful, even though the carvings in it have no practical use."

There is struth in her words, and I suddenly feel different, more aware of my surroundings. "So what you are saying is that... for instance, a teacup is art."

She smiles. "Well, only a teacup that is made to look beautiful- whether the creator succeeds in that is a different matter entirely though. It is the reason I asked you to untie your hair." I don't get how this is connected to what she told me on art, but before I get a chance to think about it, she reads my confused expression and elaborates. "Your hair- it's beautiful, yet in ballet it, would never be loose. In fact the intense red colour of it would be considered distracting."

I wonder if it's true, that my hair is beautiful- or if the woman talking to me simply strange. Well, she is strange, but more people in this artistic world are strange, a better question might be whether or not she is right. I try to imagine how my hair would look to her as I danced. How it would shimmer in the streetlights cast through the windows, how it would spin around my face as I moved, and how the dust, which I suppose could be considered part of the art as well, danced around my moving figure. These thoughts blast my old perception of beauty and art away. The realization that there is so much more, so much more then posture and position, so much more than figure and dressing, amazes me. Why make complicated backgrounds for ballets if simply lights could illuminate the dust that moves with the ballerina, instead of painted wood that has to make due for whatever location the story takes place in. As if she can hear my thoughts she continues yet again.

"As much as I adore ballet, I must say that it is sad that they have..." She squints her eyes for a moment, before giving me a polite smile and continuing. "...rusted a bit on this particular form of dance. Have you ever gone to a modern dance performance?"

I haven't, and I suddenly regret this. My short, mindedness, created by what I heard from teachers on modern dance, bothers me. Why had I so easily dismissed it, without even seeing it for myself. I regret my short mindedness, especially since I have to answer this intelligent woman. "No, actually, I never have. But I think I will now."

"Oh child, you missed a lot... There is so much beauty in this world, so much to see to experience, and yet ever so little time. Everything, every single thing is so... ephemeral."

She reaches to her purse and pulls out a packet of Lucky Strikes. "Allow me to emphasize my point," she says, pulling out a cigarette. She brings it to her mouth and lights it. The cigarette makes a soft, almost inaudible sizzling sound as she inhales. Then she blows out the smoke into the stream of light coming from the windows. "I do not smoke for taste or because of addiction. I smoke for this." She says looking at clouds she exhaled slowly disappearing into the air. "It is... art in a way, temporary as it may be."

She opens her mouth to say something but waits for a moment, perhaps deciding how to formulate what she says next, before she continues. "Even you, dear, are ephemeral, not just your performance... you, you're essence- it will be gone so soon."

Taking another drag, she slowly exhales it into the air. "However, you should be going. You're in your final year, aren't you?"

I answer with a nod.

"Well, you have a big day tomorrow, don't you?"

"Yes, I do. You know about the ballet auditions?"

She chuckles, her teeth brilliantly straight and white. "Of course I do dear, as matter of fact I will see you there tomorrow- I am one of the judges."

* * *

**I'd like to thank all my lovely readers, even my silent ones. Thank you for reading my story I really hope you'll like where I'm taking this.**

**On further note what do you guys think of my new character miss Vermont. And I'd also like some thoughts on how I deal with bringing in some character development. In the game Velvet talks about susan as if she is another person so I really wanted them to be different from eachother, however this left me with the issue of making space for Susan to become VV when she is turned. Meaning she won't exactly become velvet's personality already but I want there to be space for her to grow when she is sired. Well I ofcourse enjoy all tips and comments I am here to get better at writing, and ofcourse it would mean I'll be able to upload better chapters.**

**One last thing I wondered if there are any fans of Battle Royale. I am making a story together with a friend and we're letting people submit their own character as a student. We still need more characters so if you like the book, movie or manga why not send in a character I would verry much appreciate it. You can find the story in my favorites, as it is written on a seperate acount.  
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	3. C'est n'est Pas Une Pas de Deux

**I'd like to start of by saying something that has been brought to my attention after posting my second chapter. Apparently a movie called Black Swan has come out, I didn't know about this when I started my story so unfortunately it might look alike (I'm not sure since I don't want to watch the movie until I have finished this story). This story has not been based on that and clearly Darren Aronofsky has stolen some ideas of mine and made his movie in a month or so (the only reason I'm not suing him is due to the fact that I really enjoyed his movie The Fountain). **

**I do admit I have taken inspiration for this fanfiction from a trilogy of five movies, and there for do make multiple references to all movies. I doubt anyone will recognize to which movies I am referring to in my story. However I did think of a little game, if you notice it, PM me (don't put it in review someone else can see it there. I will write an extra chapter from a different POV to give some more insight to the story. Though I doubt anyone has watched even one of the movies.**

**Of course thank you for all your reviews, I hope you will enjoy this chapter which ended up slightly longer then I meant to. I know nothing much is happening but trying to get Susan become VV is slightly hard (since I'm not good at character development so this is like practice to me).**

**C'est n'est pas une pas de deux**

I lay there, in bed; her arm is curled around my waist. I can't seem to find sleep, or sleep can't find me... I'm not entirely sure. I am sure, however, that thinking about the audition and how I had treated Meredith wasn't helping me make any Z's. Meredith, her slender arm now slumped around my waist as if nothing ever happened. I listen to her breathing, which warms the back of my neck and sends electricity down my spine each time she exhales. I watch her empty bed, which stands at the opposite wall of mine in the darkness. I count the beats of my heart till I reach one thousand three hundred and eight. I close my eyes, press my fingers against my lids and watch the colors that appear on the back of my eyelids. I count my teeth with my tongue. I look at the alarm clock and hold my breath, timing to see how long I can hold it, and then try breaking personal records for half an hour. I think of the music of Swan Lake, playing it in my mind. I count her breaths, mine, and the ticking of the clock. Then I repeat everything I've done. By the time I'm finished it's five o'clock and I still haven't slept.

Slowly I sit up trying not to wake Meredith from her slumber. I fail, however, and she gives an annoyed moan as she wriggles under the warm sheets. "Susan..." She whines.

"Sorry..."I whisper back at her. "Go to sleep, its early." I pull the covers over her shoulder to let her sleep, but her eyes flutter open already and she looks up at me with tired eyes.

"It's no use. The pirate bunnies are gone now anyway..." Her voice trails off and she stares at me confused at her own words for a moment before we both chuckle. I press my hand against my mouth not wanting to make too much sound and risk getting the girls next door angry.

I lean my head back and sigh. "I have completely woken you up now, haven't I?"

She shrugs and stretches herself out with a yawn. "It's okay, at least I got to sleep." she says giving me a questioning look.

I yawn as well. "Yes, at least you did," I say, emphasizing you as I rub my sleepy eyes.

I get up and walk towards the closet to change when something catches my eye. I turn to the window to find the landscape covered in white. "Wow..." I mumble, amazed, as I walk over to the window and take in the view.

We are on the fourth story of the building. The whole school is quite big because of all the dancing and performance halls. Our window looks over the courtyard normally with four patches of grass separated by paths but now it was one field of white. And the small shallow lake under our window is frozen. The branches of the leafless trees have white stripes on them and even now big flakes drift down.

"What?" Meredith whispers behind me from the bed. I gesture for her to come with my hand, while keeping my eyes on the white scenery. She groans in response but I can hear her push the blankets off and step onto the floor. "It's beautiful..." she says, her voice shivering from the cold.

Then her arms reach around my waist and I feel her press her body against my back as she trembles in the cold of our room. She rests her chin on me shoulder. I swallow. "I can't believe it's so white. It must have been falling down heavily all night long."

"Uh huh," is all she says as an answer as she presses herself closer against me. She feels so warm through the cotton of her nightgown compared to the air, and I suddenly feel uncomfortable at her closeness. I pull her hands away gently and lean over to the window and blow on it. Even in the air my breath is ever so slightly visible due to the cold. I draw two silly stick fingers holding hands and underneath it I write 'Susan and Meredith'.  
"Hey, why do I get to be the one with the misshaped head?" Meredith whispers with mock hurtfulness.

I walk past her to the closet and look back at her over my shoulder. "Do I have to explain that to you, or have you actually looked in a mirror once?" I say, grinning mischievously

"Oh you will so pay for that."

* * *

Sealed in a good, thick layer of clothes and under a warm coat, I follow her. Tiptoeing through the corridors, she leads me by my hand. Mine covered in a glove, hers bare as she has lost them again like she loses them every year. I follow her without asking any questions. She holds still by a corner and I hold my breath as we hear a toilet flush and someone stumble out of it. Once we can no longer hear the footsteps Meredith leads me again. We reach the ground floor corridors and walk up to one of the windows which don't have a lock on them. She goes first and I hear her giggle as she falls on the ground outside. "Shhh," I whisper at her while trying not to burst out in laughter myself.

Then I pull myself up on the window seal and try to climb but my hand slips and I fall outside, landing flat on my back. This causes Meredith to laugh and I see her fall over as she tries to control herself and get back up.

"You have such a bad influence on me Mer," I chuckle. "Sneaking out twice in a week, the school should prohibit me from even as much as speaking to you."

She gets up and brushes the snow from her coat. "Oh it's not that bad," She says. "I mean it's Monday today so technically it's only once a week."

I laugh at that, feeling giddy. "Oh, well I'll just explain that to the principal if we get caught, becau-" I am cut off by a snowball which flies directly into my face, and is followed by Meredith's laughter.

I quickly roll over and get on my feet while grabbing a handful of snow. As soon as I'm standing I throw it in her direction, but she is already running which is mostly just my excuse for my terrible aim. We play around, giggling and throwing snowballs at each other for quite some time, until slowly the sky turns grey instead of black.

"I surrender, I surrender," she says, holding her hands, which are red from the cold, up in the air. Meredith walks towards me with her head bowed down, her brown curls hiding her cheeks, which are flushed pink from the cold and the excitement of playing in the snow.

I drop my snowball on the ground next to me, feeling pity for her having to have a snow fight without gloves. "Very well, I except your surrender; but only if..." I bite my lip, trying to think of a good punishment for her for losing.

She reaches me, her breath making clouds in the cold morning air. "Only if what?" She says. But before I can come up with so much as an answer her hands reach under my coat and sweater and icy fingers touch my warm stomach.

I gasp. "C-c-cold." I shiver.

She frowns, and as I look back at her I wonder if her cheeks have gotten more flushed. She must be freezing. "You accept my surrender only if cold?" She grins at me. "That is a bit silly, now isn't it my little sheep?"

I chuckle but find an answer. "Only if you buy yourself some proper gloves," I decide.

She bites her lip, as if considering my conditions for her surrender. "But I don't need gloves, now do I."

"Huh?"

She grins mischievously and leans her face over to mine, so close the puffs of air coming from her mouth warm the cold skin of my face. "Now why would I need gloves when I have you to keep me warm?"

Suddenly, her hands seem nice and cool against my skin as heat spreads through my body. I try to think of something to say, but my head doesn't seem to agree with that, and seems to think the best thing is to stare back at her with my mouth hanging half open like fool.

The sound of talking and footsteps breaks my train of non-thoughts, and instinctively I push Meredith away from me. Not having expected this, she falls back onto the ground and looks at me with shocked and hurtful eyes. But before I can say anything two girls come around the corner.

Of course, since life cannot ever choose my side, I find Sophie and Anna there. Their reactions show their difference in personalities. Anna's eyes and mouth grow wide, but her expression is more excited than shocked, surely she hopes she can turn this into a good gossip. Sophie's eyes dart from me to Meredith, and back. "What... Are you guys okay?" Sophie asks.

"Huh? Oh yes, we are fine. Just having fun with snow. Meredith slipped," I explain, giving her a sheepish smile. Anna pulls up an eyebrow at my answer but I pretend not to notice and turn to Meredith and offer her my hand.

"You okay?"

She gives me a confused look, but something else lingers underneath her features, something I can't understand because it's gone ever so quickly as she pushes herself up from the ground, leaving my hand hanging uselessly in the air. She brushes off snow and then glances back at me. "I uhmm... I'm going back inside. It is freezing out here." She looks over at Sophie and Anna and gives them an uncomfortable smile. "Good morning girls."

"Good morning." Anna muses, a playful smile creeping over her lips. "I hope we didn't break up anything."

"Huh?" Meredith says confused as she rubs her hands together and blows warm air on them.

Sophie elbows Anna and then smiles shaking her head. "Nothing, nothing, Anna here listens to much to talking people."

Meredith frowns. "Well listening to silent people wouldn't make much sense I suppose."

I can't help but wonder if Meredith really doesn't get it. She seems sincere and is a terrible liar. Poor girl is too naive to realize people spread lies about us for no good reason. I think maybe it's because Meredith is such a good dancer, perhaps people are just jealous of her. Then again, no one would ever be mean to Meredith, at least not to her face. They just can't help but like her too much when they see her I suppose, especially since it's just mere gossip.

Sophie chuckles and shakes her head. "You should get inside, don't want to get sick right before the auditions."

"Right." Meredith says nodding. She glances over me and I expect her to give me a smile but she just looks at me with that strange expression. "See you in a bit." I nod and she leaves.

It's quiet for some time. It's not until I can no longer hear Meredith's footsteps that someone speaks again. Of course it has to be Anna. "So what was that all about?" I give her a confused look.

"What was what about?"

Sophie elbows her annoying blonde friend again. "Honestly Anna, don't read into everything so much. I Susan isn't like that." She looks up to me with sincerity.

"You're not?" Anna asks.

"Not what?"

"Well... like- together..." She says, uncomfortably shuffling with her feet in the snow.

See, the thing is, I'm really not like that. Me and Meredith are just really good friends. Unfortunately, jealousy can do mean things to people, and I bet Anna just can't accept someone being so much better then her. And I also know, I won't survive school if people would ever think I was like that. I mean of course I am not like that. It's unnatural, unethical and wrong. I just care allot about Meredith, we're close, we're-

"Oh god no!" I say, making a disgusting expression.

"See, I told you she wasn't like that."

Anna rolls her eyes but then stops as if she suddenly had a change of heart and looks at me. "And Meredith? Is she? I bet someone so talented has to be mad."

"Anna..." Sophie says once again elbowing her friend. "Stop it. You're being mean."

"No. " I feel like going inside, the warm feeling I had just minutes ago when I was with Meredith is gone and this is about the last conversation I'd like to have. So I decide to end it. "But thanks for asking me straight in my face, because I really, really hate it when people spread rumors." I walk over to her, shoving my hands in my pockets calmly. And I only stop walking when I'm just so close too Anna that I'm making her slightly uncomfortable. "You do understand me, right?"

"Look Susan," Sophie begins. "I'm sorry, you know how Anna is sometimes. Really, we don't mean any harm." The friendly elbow is there again.

"Right, I didn't mean it like that." Anna says, and too my surprise it even sounds sincere.

"Good." I smile. "So we are fine then?"

Anna nods. "We are."

But as I walk away from the two, towards the warmth of the school, I can hear Anna whisper something. But I didn't hear what, and getting into a fight is the last thing I should do today so I just walk, trying to ignore them as well as my own thoughts.

* * *

When the bell finally rings I'm not sure to be relieved I can finally go to the auditions or whether to be terrified. All day during class I could think of nothing but the auditions. The only thing that came close to taking my mind off things was the whole ordeal of this morning, and that wasn't exactly a nice topic to think about either. My lack of sleep wasn't helping exactly either. I hadn't closed an eye last night and by now evening had already fallen.

Inside the dressing room girls are talking with excitement and nervousness as sheep wool is adjusted in pointe shoes and white tulle skirts are tied around waists. Twelve girls to be exact, twelve girls I have to surpass. I sigh as I look at my reflection in the mirror of the dressing room. Dressed in my best white ballet costume my reflection stares back at me. It's almost a waste, wearing such a nice costume on such a curved body. I pull my hair back in a bun when someone sneaks up behind me.

"Meredith."

She chuckles.

"Susan," she says, trying to sound serious and failing miserably. She chuckles again. "I got you something, close your eyes."

Another gift. She gives me way too much but I obey and close my eyes. I feel her fingers in my hair and a comb of some sort being stuck into the right side of my hair.

"You can look again."

And when I open my eyes I see it's a hair pin, a metal one with white feathers in it. I feel a smile play on my lips.

"It's a good luck charm."

"I- I didn't get you anything." Her reflection shrugs carelessly.

"I don't care, I like giving you stuff. Besides it looks better on you then on me anyway."

I turn around wanting to thank her but the teacher comes in and calls for us to come into the dance room. I swallow down nervousness and feel my head spinning all of a sudden.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine," she says and turns around, carefree, and enters the ballet room with the rest of the girls.

I stand there for a moment, trying to calm myself when I notice Anna in the corner of my eye giving me a look.

"What?" I ask. But she just walks away without saying anything, and all I can do is follow.

Girls assemble at the barre and start their stretches and warming up. On the left by the mirrors is a table with three chairs. I feel a chill run down my spine just at the thought of the judges taking their place there. But I just take a deep breath and start getting warmed up and stretched.

It's strange to see all the girls dressed up and nervous as they stretch at the barre. Excited and nervous conversation is taking place. Just as with performances, the atmosphere is exactly the same as it was ten years ago at the ballet school for young children. Even back then me and Meredith were inseparable.

Back then our hands were glued together. Always holding each other like that as if the world might tear us apart any moment. I remember one time, after a performance we were maybe about ten. Slumped against the lockers in the dressing room, we sat on the ground. I'm leaning my head on her shoulder, she's leaning her head on mine. My eyelids were so heavy with exhaustion I was strugling to keep them open. "You know, Susan?"

"Hmm?" Is all I could manage as an answer.

"Whenever you're not around I feel nervous."

I chuckled at the thought that popped up in my head. "Then what shall we do, shall we glue ourselves together?"

She didn't laugh at my joke, which I didn't really understand because I was quite sure it was funny. But instead of laughing she just said. "I feel like you've disappeared when you're not with me."

I can't help but wonder now, if she feels like that, like I've disappeared, and if she does feel like that; is she right? Yes, I feel the separation between us, I no longer hold her hand as if we are glued together, at least not in public. People would misinterpret such behavior, so I can't. But would she release my hand if we were walking hand in hand and someone came around the corner? And am I, by releasing her hand releasing my grasp on her as well on us. Are we still us if we are not together?

I am pulled out of my memories, and thrown back into the here and now, where I am stretching and so nervous I feel my head spinning, when suddenly the teacher snaps me out of it.

"Very well ladies, time to line up. Stand there by the door to make some room now" the teacher commands. And we follow her instruction obediently. On the other end of the room the door opens,and the first to come in is a young man in his mid twenties. He holds the door open to let a woman enter. I recognize her immediately, Miss Vermont. She looks once again beautiful. She is wearing a deep blue skirt suit this time, one that perfectly complements her eyes, and is clearly straight from Paris, I've seen styles like it only in magazines. I feel a small sense of calm come over me as I see her. Hopefully our conversation and her help with my practice will help me get her on my side. Next, an older man enters, I guess he is in his forties but he looks quite fit, clearly the body of someone who was a dancer once.

The judges take their place, our teacher introduces them and the older man says something as well. But I can't seem to focus on it enough. I just keep rubbing off my sweaty hands against my skirt and keep thinking of my performance, playing it over and over in my head.

The first girl is called forward, I watch her dance trying to imagine dancing myself and watching out for mistakes she might make. Her pas de chat, she doesn't land it correctly the angle of her knee is off; dumb mistake. One I cannot afford to make. A mistake I also can't afford to make is throwing up, and I swallow down bile from the nervousness. It seems to take forever until the calling of a name catches my attention.

"Meredith White, you may come forward," the bored voice of the older male judge calls out.

Meredith obeys. She walks up to the dance floor and positions herself. In the back I can see a small proud smile creep on Miss Evergreen's lips as she brings the needle to the record once again.

And when the music starts Meredith comes to life. It's almost amazing to see her change like that; apart from the fact that it devastates me at this moment. She dances with grace, so effortlessly floating over the ground. Effortlessness so important, in Meredith's smile there is not one trace of pain or exhaustion. My eyes slide over her body, trying to find a mistake, a wrong angle, a wrong landing, something too soon or too late. But her dance is almost entirely perfect, and when I bring my attention to the judges I can see she has piqued their interest, to say the least.

I shuffle uncomfortably and look at the girls around me. Envy and adoration fills their eyes, and I wonder for a moment about my expression as I watched Meredith dance. When she is finished the judges give her a encouraging look and tell her she is dismissed.

Meredith turns and walks up to me, her face beaming, a smile on her face the size of a whale. I cross my arms and look at another girl being called forward. Her dance seems to take forever and at the same time it seems to take way too short because once she finished my name is called.

"Susan Moore." The older judge reads aloud from a paper in his hand.

Taking a deep breath, I force down the urge to vomit or shake and walk up. The older man who is sitting in the middle sighs, and I wonder if I did something wrong before I even danced, but a small motion by Miss Vermont distracts me from my paranoid thoughts. She casually brings her finger to her chin and I push down the urge to give her a thankful smile as I can almost hear her words in my head. "Never, ever forget your posture."

The scratching of the record pulls me out of my thoughts, and when the music begins and I start to move I forget. I forget everything around me. Nothing seems to exist apart from my moving body. The dance is studied in so deep I don't even have to think about my steps. My body simply moves without command. Like the swans in the music box Meredith gave me, simply by twisting them back they moved over the mirror. It isn't until the music and my dance end that I feel like I'm back in my body.

Back to myself, I look at the judges. A gentle smile is on Miss Vermont's lips and the judge in the middle has his eyebrow pulled up as if he is impressed, or as if I did better than he expected. The younger man to his left, however, seems as emotionless as he was before. I give them a thankful nod and turn, walking back to the group. I notice Sophie giving me an impressed nod. And I would be happy that it went well, I would give Sophie a smile filled with hope and relief, but right now I am more concerned about not throwing up the half piece of bread I had for breakfast.

The rest of the auditions are a haze to me as I try to keep steady and not tumble. When we are finally allowed to leave and I reach the locker rooms I hurry myself to the bathrooms and the showers and free myself of my lunch, breakfast, and stomach acid.

"You okay?" Sophie's voice asks in a worried manner from behind.

I spit out sourness from my mouth, clear my throat, and spit again in the porcelain bowl. "Ugh... yeah, I'm fine. Just stress I guess," I answer, leaning back against the cold wall of the stall, before looking up at her.

Her eyes seem worried but she gives me a smile nonetheless. "You shouldn't worry Susan, you did amazing. I bet it will be either you or Meredith."

Those words make my heart feel like it sinks to the groun,d but I just force half a smile on my face. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Can I get you anything? Some water or..."

I shake my head. "Nah, it's okay. I feel a lot better now that I puked out everything I ever ate in my entire life." She chuckles at that before turning around and leaving. And it's true; I do feel somewhat better, at least physically that is, because I can still feel the anxiousness in every fiber of my being. How did things get like this? I was never this nervous, now was I? But things seemed to keep changing lately, nothing was the way it used to be, now was it? After all, my hand was empty now, but that was my own fault, wasn't it? Being nervous and worried, being jealous and envious.

I sigh and pull myself up from the ground. 'These thoughts aren't helping' I tell myself as I walk over to the sinks and start rinsing my mouth, trying to get the acidy taste out. It lessens, but no matter how I rinse my mouth in the back of my throat I can still taste the sourness of vomit. I close my eyes, trying to get some control over my body and mind again. When I open them I look at my reflection in the mirror. Circles are under my grey eyes and I seem a bit paler that usual. I bring my hand to my hair and touch the white feathers in it. I pull out the comb and untie my red hair before turning around and getting ready to shower.

Waiting, I sit on the cool floor next to the door, my back leaning against the wall. I feel her eyes on me, as she sits on the other side of the door. Her gaze is like an invisible presence, I can sense it without looking, like a sixth sense almost. I wonder if she thinks something of me not sitting next to her. I know I do. Why didn't I sit next to her? I could be doing it for the sake of what others might think, but that's not true either. Is it my jalousie, the stress over what is happening behind the door that separates us? I feel her gaze lingering again, and my thoughts go from her to the door between us. Or more specifically to what is behind the door.

Because, right now, behind that door, the judges are deciding who will be performing as Odette. Right now they are deciding the future for one of us. My audition had gone quite well; whether or not it was better than Meredith's performance, is something I can only guess at.

After a while, the excited conversation the girls in my class were having has fallen silent. Only now and then one of the girls makes a comment. Everyone is tired from excitement and waiting, but then the door opens, and almost slams into my face. Everybody stands up quickly. I do the last while blocking the door with my hands so it doesn't hit me.

It's our teacher, Miss Evergreen. She smiles and it seems to take an eternity for her to finally speak. "Well, the judges have made their decision for who they will choose for the ballet group."

_Please let it be me, please let it be me._

"First of all I'd like to congratulate everyone. You've all done a wonderful job."

_Just say my name please, please, just say my name._

"Some of you have really progressed lately." She continues, but she glances in my direction as she says it and I can feel my heart skip a beat in anxiousness and hope.

_Yes, I have trained to hard. So pick me, please let it be me._

"But unfortunately there can only be one winner."

_Please, please, please, please..._

"Well I won't keep you girls in anticipation any longer..."

_Oh by saying that you are, just tell me, just tell me._

"There was quite some discussion but eventually they made their decision." She turns to her side, but not to me. To her other side. And I look at Meredith standing across from me. "Congratulations Meredith, you really deserve it." The teacher's voice echoes in my head.

The walls around me grow and spin. I hear the girls from my class clap their hands for a moment but I can't seem to focus on them properly enough to see. I just see Meredith pass me as she enters the dance room, followed by the teacher who closes the door behind her.

Hands grab my shoulders.

"Are you alright Susan?"

I should answer but everything seems so fuzzy, so vague and dimming_. Dimming? Yes it is dimming isn't it... so dark. And it is around the corners of my vision, and the only light I see seems so fussy. Why am I spinning, no it's not me is it? Just the world spinning, but that doesn't make sense. Oh and the hands. Who asked me that question? Oh no, gravity._

Cold and wet is the first thing I sense. I open my eyes and blink at the bright light and the water that tries to crawl into it.

"She's alive!" a voice calls cheerfully, and I can hear giggles in the background. The light is to bright for me to see.

"Is she alright?" Another girl's voice asks.

"Yeah, she hardly ate today at lunch, I bet that's it." The first voice says, and I can hear other girls talking in the background, too.

"My head..." I grunt as the awareness shoots in that the back of my head is throbbing in pain.

"Ah yes, it must hurt, you took a pretty good fall on it with a tiled floor. I am pretty glad I'm not you." The voice trails off. I blink and see her now. The girl talking is Anna, she is sitting on the floor next to me, her expression lingering between bored and worried. Something seems odd to me, but right now the throbbing pain in the back of my head is distraction enough to keep me from thinking about that. However ,something keeps me thinking from the throbbing pain in the back of my head, as well. Because suddenly all the girl's voices die out and I hear the door open.

_Meredith,_ I think for a second but then I hear a click-clack sound of high heels on tiles. The type of tiles that can bring massive pain to one's head. I pull my head back a bit and find a women in blue. _Miss Vermont._

"My, my..."She says, looking around the room before she brings her attention to me. "All this noise for a girl who fell?"

"Oh- Uhmm no Miss.. . Susan ... I mean she fainted and- well, we just- sorry." Sophie's nervous voice dies out.

Miss Vermont leans over me. "Yes, well perhaps it would be best if you girls changed and went now, wouldn't it? Lingering is only a waste of time." Anna gets up without lending me as much as a hand and walks over to her locker. I push myself off the ground, and stand up, trying not to fall over again. The spinning in my head has lessened. "Are you alright dear?" She says, though her face doesn't really show much concern.

I nod. "Yes, Miss Vermont. I think I should not have skipped lunch today."

"No you should not. A ballerina should take proper care of her body." She looks back at the door and then turns her attention back to me. "If you'll excuse me, I have some things to arrange now." And with that she turns on her heels and leaves the room.

Some questions about me knowing Miss Vermont are asked, but I just stumble out of my clothes and make my answers as short as possible. I don't feel like talking, I don't even really feel like I'm capable of that right now. The only thing I feel capable of is crawling up in a ball and disappearing, and when I finally get back at my dorm room I do so. However, as I crawl under the covers and look back at the room I see my bed, the bed we normally share. I wonder for a moment if I did that deliberately, because truth be told I do not feel like getting up and going to the other bed. I don't feel like sleeping next to her tonight, and hearing her stories about how things went. All I feel like is disappearing, and I do. As sleep takes me the world falls away into darkness.


End file.
